I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned “The Vault” in any of my posts. Maybe I have just as a “oh hey, PS” kinda thing. But a lot of people have been asking: “Alexia, what the fuck is this Vault thing and why is it all over my Newsfeed? Please explain or I’ll have to unfriend you. And stop posting pictures of your food, it makes me hungry.”
My unrealistic ambitions of being a chef/actor/writer/mermaid will continue, and so will the photos of my mini homemade meringue pies.
However, I can explain this “Vault” thing.
So let’s travel back, about a year, in time, to the summer after I graduated. I was still in Santa Barbara, bored, and making youtube videos to keep myself sane. I received a facebook message from this really nice student at UCSB who had seen me in a few shows and an improv workshop, and thought I was good at this acting thing, which already was really nice of her. But then, she told me about her brother’s webseries, “The Vault”, which she thought I should definitely send my stuff in for since they had just started casting. I checked out a few promos, and I thought the webseries looked really well put together….and also reminded me of LOST, which, I mean, I love that shit. And hopefully wasn’t going to end in a weird mushpot final episode, cooked in a Crock pot, and served with a “Ta-da!...no, that’s it.”
I immediately contacted Aaron, and told him his sister had sent me his way and that I really liked wha tthey had put out so far for the promos. Using the only video I had, my youtube videos, I ended up getting the part of “Alex”, which, not to spoil it for anyone, but it ends up actually being a pretty awesome part of the series.
And things have been really fucking awesome for "The Vault" so far: it’s been selected for the Marseille WebFest (I knew I could count on the Frenchies), and the Independent Film Quarterly in LA, and with a sudden Reddit following, the series is getting alot of good exposure.
Which of course, leads to the random-guy-I-don’t-know friend requests. I think when a web series gets some people who are super into it, especially because the nature of The Vault is so fan involved, there's bound to be some interesting fan to actor contacts .
I got a few phone calls from the same number, asking for “John” and “Jason”…and I realized I had my contact information on my website. So googling my name would also get people my phone number. Oops. Changed that up pretty quickly. Now all the creepy calls can go to my manager. Hooray.
So, I decided to create a public Facebook page. It felt safer then suddenly being like, “LOOK PICTURES OF MY FAMILY” to a bucket full of people I didn’t know. And it’s nice to have somewhere to post things about what’s going on in my acting life without feeling like I’m shoving it into innocent people’s faces.
However, I realized after searching “The Vault webseries” on Reddit, that my precautions could not stop ALL the weird shit from happening.
So since “The Vault” has gotten so much Reddit responses, I was curious to see what else people thought about the series: what they thought was happening, the answers to the puzzles, etc. I put "The Vault webseries" into the search bar.
And, my friends…I found something that, even I, who has an extensive imagination, could not think up myself. Probably because I do not have a penis. Or special skills in investigative and research-based pornography.
This.
The "NSFW" was my first clue that I had stumbled onto something....unique.
For those of you as confused as I was, a “dopplebanger” is a porn star who looks like the person in question. Like a doppleganger. But more naked.
After realizing that someonewas looking for a porn star who looked like me, a couple of thoughts ran through my head: most of them ending in “what the fuuuuck”.
But also…why did this person have to find someone else who looked like me to whack off to?
Why wasn’t something like this picture enough?
Or this one?
And someone must’ve immediately reached for the Kleenexes when they saw this one.
Probably to catch their tears, but possibly to simultaneously jerk off.
I was also offended by thepicture they chose, for it did not show off my better qualities, like my personality.
Unfortunately, the professionals from the “Dopplebanger” thread have not found someone with severe daddy issues and extremely low self-esteem who looks like me.
All I’d like to say is…I’m disappointed. Get it together. Just use the one they did of Amy Adams or Denise Richards, and that should be close enough.
On the more productive and less awkward side of things, my manager is a baller. I have meetings with a lot of really good casting directors in the next week or so. And hopefully one of them is French. French people stick together.
I had my first one with a casting director from CBS studios, and of course, I googled the shit out of him. But, surpringly, although you could probably find tons of information just on Jennifer Aniston’s dog and her favorite moisturizer, there is almost nothing on casting directors. A lot of them haven’t even touched their IMDB pages. How am I supposed to start a conversation about your life if I don’t know any Fun Facts about you from IMDB?
So I went in pretty nervous. This was my first real big meeting, where first impressions counted and it was probably best if I didn’t fuck up the 10 minutes I got with the person who may pull me in for a guest role on Two Broke Girls. Thinking positively, here.
So I go in and sit on the couch, next to this woman in a tight dress and heels. She gets called in and is immediately loud, southern-tastic, and filled with that weird I AM SO HAPPYLOOK I’M HAPPY energy.
Fuck. I was going to looklike a wet blanket compared to this woman.
So I wait. And wait. And wait as I hear the echoes of this woman’s laughter and the pitch of her voice go on a vocal roller coaster ride…and it’s about 20 minutes before she fianlly comes out.
I should’ve done more research.
I sit there as he talks to his co-worker about going to her show since she’s a stand up commdian. I wonder if doing improv shows is the way to go with this sort of thing…and then I have this vision of me fucking up at an improv show where some big casting directors have chosen to come to. I’ll just send out youtube videos…
He calls me in, and immediately it’s speed dating time.
I’ve never actually been speed dating, but from the TV shows and matchmaking reality television, I’m pretty sure I got something pretty similar.
What’s your name? What’s your background? Where did you grow up? How’d you get your manager?
And all the questions I had for him go out the window as I try to group answers together that are too the point but still entertaining.
He says, “So…you’re funny.”
Which wasn’t really a question, but was said in a way that I should clarify is, yes or no, I was funny.
It was like he was asking questions, getting the gist of what I said, and then already asking the next question while I wrapped up my answer.
He thanked me for coming, I thanked him for taking time to meet with me, and he said he had a couple shows he’ll contact me about in the future..
I left feeling like I wasn’t exactly sure what had happened, but I felt like whatever it was, it was probably a good thing. And I didn’t vomit on anyone. Yes.
I had a second one with Dreamworks, and you start to get this whole speed-casting down. Short and sweet conversations about your background and stuff you’re doing, where IMDB funfacts do not come into question. They tell you about their studio, what they do, what they’re working on, and if you’ve read the pilot you can chime in withsome positive words…but basically, there’s no asking about how they got into casting shows or what they’re favorite color is.
So really, all the stress was pretty useless. Because as long as you don’t say, “Hey, I LOVE that show ‘Game of Thrones’, it’s basically the best show EVER” and you’re talking to ABC, you’re good to go.
Wish I had known that before, could’ve saved myself some stress.
So now, it’s a “Let’s see what happens” kinda game. And as long as I don’t throw up on myself and don't apologize, or forget what studio I’m in, things should at least be okay.
Unless I start myconversations with asking if they know what a “Dopplebanger” is.
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