My 1 Year Anniversary: 10 Things I Learned, And Wish Someone Had Told Me.

Well, it's official. I've been in LA for a year.

I feel like LA should be taking me out for a nice dinner and some drinks, maybe enjoy a nice, long ride on the 405. But LA's busy, and I'm sometimes-busy, so we'll exchange Facebook messages or something instead.

I've been a little slow on the blogging. Not that I don't want to blog-my-face-off, but sometimes it's harder to talk about things that are still unpredictable or don't have an "ending" yet. Like meetings with talent agents that didn't quite work, or auditions that were "almost"s. And that's kind of what has been happening lately.

I do have a commercial agent with the Osbrink Agency, which is awesome, and I'm super excited to start working with them when I get back from Thanksgiving!

Put mah face on yo product.

The talent agency meetings are weird.

I've met with 2 really well known and established agencies, and both meetings went super well, both offering any help they can give me in my career, but also came with a "come back when you've got some credits". And based off of THOSE meetings, I got ANOTHER meeting with another well-known and awesome agency. So because I had already met with the first two and this third one was aware of these meetings, the third decided they wanted to get a meeting as well. Welcome to Los Angeles.

The third one there was an actual chance of me getting signed, but again, the "not on TV yet" thing came up...

But how do you get TV credits without an agent? And how do you get an agent without a TV credit? And how do you get a TV credit without an ag-

You get my drift.

So I feel like I'm floating along the ocean, while different sea gulls come and check me out because they saw another sea gull check me out...but I'm still floating in the ocean.

I don't know, that sounded better in my head.

BUT WHERE YOU AT, SEAGULLS?!

Good did come out of the meeting with the third agency, though. They mentioned that they have a team of agents that kinda help you do whatever it is you wanna do: stand-up, directing, writing. And suddenly, it was like a door opened up for me. A door that was kinda already there, but I forgot, but I found it again.

"I should write some shit."

So after finding out that the third agency had pitched me to the rest of the agents, but they weren't on board with my non-TV credit-ness...I wrote a pilot.

Just kinda wrote it in 3-4 days, threw it all up. It was an idea I had floating around in my head that I had sort of mapped out, and thought was a pretty original, fun concept.

 And once I copyright it at the Writer's Guild of America, I will tell you all about it.

I sent it to a few lovely souls who gave me EXTREMELY good feedback, and things that I kind of knew were needing a lil' fixin'.

 Like my format.

My format was a baby created from 3 different pilots I had read a few months ago.

So, a Frankenstein version of Rebel Wilson's pilot and Guy-who-wrote-Go-On-I-Should-Know-This-But-I-Don't-Ahhhhhh's pilot, and some random pilot that never even made it to the audition phase.

But my manager offered to look at whatever I ended up writing because he reps a lot of writers, so he'd know what to do with it. After it's pretty-fied, of course. I probably will end up sending it to 15 people before I feel good enough to send it to him. I can just imagine him reading it...pausing...and then sending me an e-mail about how I should stop doing that.

But enough about the present, it's reflect-on-yo-past time.

After going up to Santa Barbara and talking with the Seniors at UCSB about graduating and Los Angeles, I started thinking about what I wish someone had told me before I moved down, or what I expected vs. reality. A year really isn't a huge amount of time, and I'm sure a lot of you who have been down here for a while will totally disagree with me, and that's cool. I wish I knew everything, that would be awesome.

Shoot, if you have anything you want to add, do it.

But here are the 10 things I wish I had known/things I would tell someone who wants to do acting in LA.

1. DO YOUR OWN STUFF

Just do it. Because you might have a period of time when people aren't casting you, or you aren't getting the roles you think you'd be good at. In that case, just do it yourself. And maybe you're not the best writer, and you're thinking, "Well shit, I can't really write. And I don't have a camera". It's L.A. and someone you know a) can write it out for you and/or b) has a camera. It really helps to have some footage out there, and youtube is super free. Also, who knows, you might find that you like acting AND directing/writing/producing, always good to have a few things you can do on your resume.

2. DO STUDENT FILMS

Student films are awesome. I've always had great experiences doing them, and more than likely, someone from a project you did will call you for a future film. That's happened to me a lot, actually. That said, you have to kinda feel out the project/school you're doing it for. Like me...I ended up going to an audition in Culver City and it ended up being a high school project. Which is great, yay arts, but I probably wasn't going to get the experience I wanted from working with 16 year olds.  Also, a lot universities/colleges have AWESOME equipment, so when you get a copy of the film, it looks like something you could use for your reel...if you get a copy. I'm still waiting on two films that have been edited/completed/turned in, but when I've asked for a copy, it's no where to be seen. Which is always kinda sad, because usually you do student films for free, so it's disappointing to not get a copy of your work. But that's the minority of students films. You'll find a lot of good people. :)

3. DON'T BE PICKY...BUT DON'T PICK SHITTY PROJECTS EITHER

You just got to LA/been here a couple months. As much as being paid to act in something is a foreseeable goal and something that hopefully occurs in the future, you're probably going to do a lot of free work. Build up a resume, get some reel footage: that's probably your goal the first few months. At the same time though...don't do stupid shit. There's always an audition notice that's for nudity with no pay, or FEMALE 20'S with no character description...they probably are trying to make a porn/don't know what they're doing. And although the latter is always a good experience to have, the more you scan for them and at least TRY to avoid them, the better.

4. PEOPLE FUCKING LOVE CLASSES

I don't want to tell you to do a class. But the agents/casting directors I've met always ask me about what classes I've taken. In fact, they probably won't totally believe you can do something unless you've taken a class in it. I'm just starting to take classes right now, which I think, for me, was a good decision. I had just gotten out of 4 years of taking classes, and all I wanted was some experience to put that to use. So I guess if you haven't taken any acting classes...take an acting class. But if you've done the Theater Major route, I suggest just getting out there and finding out what you feel like you need to take a class in, or what would be beneficial to you.

5. GET A GOOD HEADSHOT...FER REALZ.

This sounds redundant, because I feel people say this a lot. But just get a good headshot. Don't have your friend who is an amateur photographer and likes iPhoto do your pictures. Also, don't do uber-characters. Like a doctor or something. It's cool to do photos that lean more towards "character acting" or "ingenue", but I think people just giggle at the ones that are too obviously specific. And I think this, because I giggle at those headshots. Get someone who will really tell you the truth help you pick out a good one. And don't "not eat". This is just me telling you to not fast before your headshots because it's ridiculous and you're going to faint during the photoshoot you spent $500+ on, and headshots are supposed to look like you anways.

6. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP, BUT FEEL OUT AWKWARD SITUATIONS

I'm horrible at that shit. I hate asking for help, because it makes me feel like a giant ass hole and I hate feeling like I'm putting someone in a position where they feel like they HAVE to do something. But honestly, more than not, people that like you want to help you. So if you need help with an audition tape, or someone to help you with your sides...just ask. "We're all in this together." -Zac Efron, "High School Musical". On the other hand, feel it out with tricky situations. Like if someone just signed with an agency a month or two ago, now is probably not the best time to ask if they can send your information in...or for the agent's information so you can call the agent directly. Because they're probably still figuring out their own relationship with their agent.

7.  GET CAZT FOR LIKE A MONTH

Alright, CAZT gets a weird reputation, but honestly, it was SUPER helpful for me. If you pay for a CAZT account, you get to watch your auditions you've had at their casting station in West Hollywood. Which sounds absolutely terrifying, and it totally is at first. I didn't click on any of my videos until I was a month or two in. But you get something you wouldn't get with an ordinary acting class, in my opinion. You get to see what you do in a REAL audition, not some simulated event you feel like you're double-acting through. Watching my first audition videos, I could point out exactly what was detracting from my acting, or weird things I could tell kinda stood out. I ended up getting it for a year, which was way too long, but it's nice for a couple months or so. And you get comments from the casting directors/directors about how you did, which sometimes can be helpful and sometimes can be ridiculous. I've had casting directors and directors have a full on FIGHT in the comment section of my video. That was awkward. So just watch for yourself, and feel out your quirks.

8. TRUST YOUR GUT

This might be the most important advice, because that twist in your stomach is probably going to be your best friend. There's a lot of sketchy people in Los Angeles, as there are amazing ones. And you probably know when things are getting weird. Don't let your goals get in the way of how you feel about things. Sure, it'd be great to have a manager who knows all the top people at universal (supposedly), but if you get a knot in your stomach every time he calls, that's you telling yourself that this guy is bad news.  If you go to an audition or reading, and you feel things aren't legit or it's not something you want to do, then don't do it.

9. DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF TO OTHERS. SERIOUSLY.

This is hard, and I totally do this sometimes. And so will you. Why is Lindsay Lohan still working? Why did that girl/guy get that part when she/he couldn't act her way out of a plastic bag, where as I would act my way out of it and then create an improvisation after about how the bag was my past lover and we want a baby together but he blames me for the lack of children? Constructively, it might be good: like, hey, that girl has improvisation experience and I don't, maybe I should do some improv. But you can't control whether they like your face or not, or the casting director's ex-girlfriend looks exactly like you, or he/she hates French people. Just role with the punches, and do what you can to improve yourself. If you work hard, people will notice. Be happy your friend has a guest role on a TV show, that's fucking awesome! Don't dig yourself in a hole because it's not you. Unless he's like smushing it in your face, then you can totally punch him.

10. GOOGLE MAP WHERE YOU WANT TO GO...THEN ADD 20/30 MINUTES

You kinda learn this as you go...but depending on what time your audition/meeting is, the time to get there will be extremely volatile. For example, from 7-10ish is shitty-traffic-time, as is 5-8. And sometimes even earlier/later depending on the day, etc. Honestly, you want to be on time. I'm kind of obsessed with it, so being there "on time" for me is 15 minutes early, and being there exactly at the time I was scheduled makes me nervous. So look it up on google maps: if the traffic report tells you it's going to take 30 minutes...add another 20/30 for parking/finding the building. After a while, you'll probably try your best not to have auditions around 6, and you'll figure out what places/times will take you 20 minutes vs 45 minutes.


AND THERE YOU GO, I KNOW EVERYYYYYTHHIIIING.

But fer realz, I don't, but I do hope maybe a piece of this ends up working out for you.

There a few other things I could probably add, but then we'd have "11 Things" or "13 Things", and that's just awkward.

Lastly, as a final note (...it's not #11), it gets super lonely in this acting thing. People get so focused on their goals, they forget about life and friends, so hang out with people. Shit, call me up, let's make Old Fashions and watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills because I KNOW YOU LOVE THAT SHOW.

But seriously. Don't feel like you need to have some sort of "success" before you hang out with anyone. Don't do that to yourself.

Have fun y'all.


Kay, but not too much fun, because overloading it and getting shwasted or high everyday is probabaly not going to help you, or  betting all your money away, and visiting strip clubs during the day is probably not the best idea, and you shouldn't take drugs from people you don't know and I should've just stopped with "Have fun, y'all"

The Trials and Tribulations of the Commercial Agent

Oh hey, it's been a while! Sorry 'bout that. It's been a busy and weird past month.

So a few weeks ago, my manager tells me that he's gotten me a meeting with a reallyreallyfreakingood commercial agency, since one of his clients is also repped by them. And I'm psyched. I might have an agent for commercials?! Whaaaaat. That's awesome.

The day of the meeting, I make sure I have a headshot and resume and wear that one shirt that makes my eyes look f'awesome (something that says, "Look, y'all, these could be in a commercial! And by these, I mean my eyes!").

I get there 20 minutes early, so that I could literally decide to run a lap though the building, and still be there early (and physically in shape). I take the elevator up to the second floor, and walk into this lobby that kind of reminds me of the dentist's waiting room. There's old, random books that have absolutely no connection with one another (Baseball's Greatest Games and a book about boats, my favorite.) and it's fucking freezing. Good thing my LOOKATMYEYESTHEYAREBLUE! shirt is also long-sleeved.

I make my way up to the reception, and tell her I'm here for my appointment. She nods, and tells me to take a seat. I wait to hear some sort of phone call or quick buzzing in to say I'm here...and then realize 5 minutes in that everything's done through instant messaging. I'm glad AIM is still being used by someone.

About 20 minutes later, the agent comes by and I give him my best "Hello, nice to meet you!" and we make our way to his office. And I'm feeling pretty good! Things are goin' to go well, Dox!

I get into the office, sit down...and there's a headshot/resume of some girl in the trashcan, half sticking out like it was trying it's best to get back onto his desk.

I stare at the photo.

Shit.

If Amanda's getting the boot...are they really going to want me?

He breaks my inner dramatic monologue by asking for my headshot/resume.

"Oh!...yeah, of course..."

I hand him my picture, wondering if I'm going to join "Amanda" in some depressing whiskey drinking later.

The small talk begins: where are you from, how do you like LA, how did you get your manager.

And then we talk about what I do besides acting to make money. I tell him that I'm a part-time babysitter, and he tells me he has a few kids of his own. He then goes on a tangent about how he bets I make a lot of money, as he pays his babysitter TONS to take care of his kids. He mentions how she doesn't even have to do a lot when they're asleep, suggesting that there should be some sort of pay-rate drop once the kids go to bed.

"Yeah...haha...nap time's great."

'This is awkward' is starting to become an understatement.

I mention how I know a couple of his clients from doing improv work with them. He mentions how one of them has been "really good for us", but says it in a way like the actor was the prized ham at a county fair, or like a cow that produces really expensive milk.

He goes on to remark that he doesn't even know if this actor enjoys doing the commercials, and that he probably doesn't, that the actor would probably want to do something else. But that's what you gotta do to make money.

This is getting depressing.

He then asks me if I have any questions.

I hate this part. The question part. Because it makes me feel like I should've had a really good question ready, but I totally forgot to think of one.

I kind of go into a mini-coma until I finally think of: "Yeah, what kind of...parts would you see me in for commercials?".

That works. That's a legitimate question I'm curious about.

But he kind of squints his eyes and shakes his head.

"You can't really put someone in a role for commercials, because you never know what they're going to want...so there's no real parts in commercials."

Oh. Fuck. Alright, my bad.

Okay. Got to think of something better.

"I'm SAG-E right now, do you guys submit for non-union commercials or just union?"

He pauses for a second.

"Well...that's a good question..."

YES. FUCKING WIN.

So he answered that they did both, but it depended on the breakdown.

At the end, things wind down and he tells me, "I'm going to send your information over to the others, we'll talk about you behind your back, and then I'll email your manager this weekend and tell him if we want you or not."

Oh. Cool. It'd be funny, except I know thats exactly what happens.

So with my awkward laugh, I leave.

And I wait.

And I wait.

And I wait.

And finally, my manager asks me if I've heard anything back from him, to which I tell him that the agent was supposed to e-mail him with a response...

So at this point, I'm thinking this really isn't going to happen and I basically plan on looking at other commercial agencies.

And then the surprise of the century:

Apparently he really liked me.

...I don't get it. If you really liked someone, why don't you just e-mail them when you said you would and not wait a week and a half?

I was still kinda iffy about the whole thing, but I wasn't going to be like, "Nooooo you took a long time to e-mail me and you sound not really interested, so I'm not going to meet with you agaaaain." So they scheduled a meeting for me to meet with the agency again, with two different people.

This was my second meeting with the agency...so what does that mean? Was I approved by "the other agents" who talked about me behind my back?

Honestly, I wasn't really sure. But the meeting was set, and I wore another MYEYESAREBLUEWHAAAAAT shirts. I figured I wouldn't need to bring another headshot, since they already had the one from before, and that one would've gone into some "NOT TRASHCAN" container.

So I get to the agency. Or I thought I got to the agency. Because I accidentally went into the identical building right next door. Fuck.

After trying not to sweat while running, I find the agency, and let the secretary know I'm here.

A few IMs later, and I'm transported to a new office, with an older man and a woman waiting behind a desk.

I've convinced myself that this is going to be an awesome meeting. I'm going to be so fucking commercial they're going to send me onto an audition even before this meeting ends. Yes. It's going to happen.

"Headshot and resume?"

.......fuck.

My stomach drops and all the butterflies and singing birds floating around me die instantly.

"....I'm sorry, I don't have one."

What is wrong with you, Dox?!

Okay, for the record and my sanity...I don't "forget" my headshot/resume. I don't "not have the sides". I always have my shit together. It keeps me sane so THIS never happens eveeeeeer.

"Well you should always have a copy of your resume whenever you go to a meeting."

Literally, it was like my dad just told me he was disappointed in me. It was bad.

"No, definitely, I'm really sorry about that."

But the damage was done. I was the actress who didn't have her shit together.

It didn't help that they weren't impressed with my "only been here 9 months" blurb, and the guy definitely didn't like the fact that I had never taken a commercial class.

"I'll give you a list of classes we like."

"Oh, yeah, thank you."

I take out my phone, ready to type them out.

Suddenly, a secretary comes into the office with a sheet of paper and hands it to me.

I wondered how many times they printed out that list to commercial hopefuls.

Wait, was that more instant messaging magic?

He asks me what classes I've taken.

"I just took a Lesly Kahn intro class, and I got into the comedy intensive class taught by her, so I'm thinking of signing up for the next session."

"You should ALWAYS be taking classes."

...if I'm always taking classes, where do I have time to be working on sets?

They asked if I had any questions.

Can I press the undo button and bring in my headshot/resume? Can you totally erase that first impression? Can anything other than a class convince you that I can and have done commercials?

I kept it safe and asked the "good question" I had asked last time.

And with that, they told me to call Friday and they would tell me if they decided to take me or not. I exited with a really good handshake. Everyone loves a good handshake.

I exited feeling...well, like an idiot. I blamed my past self for not thinking of bringing a resume. But there wasn't anything I could do now...

...or was there?

I had a rehearsal for a film right after the meeting, but I could drive back home, print out a resume, staple it to a picture of my face looking commercial-y, and drive back to the agency...at rush hour.

And that's exactly what I did. Sure, I couldn't create a time machine in time to fix my first impression, but maybe my band-aid might fix everything! Yes!

I weaved my way through traffic, printed out my resume after praying to the "Low Ink" gods, and smushed it to my headshot. After jumping into my car and driving back another 40 minutes, I parked, ran out and into the building...

And the elevator doors, 10 feet in front of me, were coming to a close! I needed to get into the elevator NOW.

I sprinted, stuck my hand in the middle of the doors, and prayed the my hands wouldn't get crush...I need them for commercials.

And the doors stopped!

Then I looked to my left and realized there were 3 elevators not being used.

...Oh.

Whatever, to the second floor!

I briskly walk to the agency, kinda thankful it hadn't closed yet, and I hand the receptionist my headshots.

Alright. I had done everything I could do after that. Now...I wait.

Friday comes, and I call, full of butterflies. I call in and wait to be directed to the original agent I had met with...

...Oh. He's not there.

Alright.

So I am then told to call Monday. That's cool, I'll wait and just distract myself, all good.

It's Monday, so I give them a call...

...Oh, you're busy? That's cool. Sure, call me back whenever.

And so I wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And what the fuck.

This is like when I waited for the cast list to come up for "Into the Woods" in highschool. The list didn't go up for 3 WEEKS...and with all that anticipation, I ended up with the part of "Tree". There are no "Tree"s in Into the Woods.

I let my manager know what was up, and he just ended up e-mailing the agent.

And after 24hrs, I got an e-mail with the title of "Boo (INSERTAGENCYHERE)" and I knew...this was "Into the Woods" all over again.

So they didn't take me.

Was it because I didn't take a commercial class? Do you really need to take a commercial class to know how to do commercials or is it more common sense shit?

Do you really need a class to prove you can do something?

I don't know, you don't really get follow up questions with agencies that didn't want to sign you.

Moral of this story is...no matter how conceited you may end up looking, store headshots/resumes fucking everywhere. In your bra. In your trunk.

Everywhere.

Because people want those pictures of your face. And they don't like looking stuff up on computers. Unless it's by instant messaging.

Dopplegangers Gone Wild, and Stalking Isn't Bad If You Call It "Research".

I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned “The Vault” in any of my posts. Maybe I have just as a “oh hey, PS” kinda thing. But a lot of people have been asking: “Alexia, what the fuck is this Vault thing and why is it all over my Newsfeed? Please explain or I’ll have to unfriend you. And stop posting pictures of your food, it makes me hungry.”

My unrealistic ambitions of being a chef/actor/writer/mermaid will continue, and so will the photos of my mini homemade meringue pies.

However, I can explain this “Vault” thing.

So let’s travel back, about a year, in time, to the summer after I graduated. I was still in Santa Barbara, bored, and making youtube videos to keep myself sane.  I received a facebook message from this really nice student at UCSB who had seen me in a few shows and an improv workshop, and thought I was good at this acting thing, which already was really nice of her. But then, she told me about her brother’s webseries, “The Vault”, which she thought I should definitely send my stuff in for since they had just started casting. I checked out a few promos, and I thought the webseries looked really well put together….and also reminded me of LOST, which, I mean, I love that shit. And hopefully wasn’t going to end in a weird mushpot final episode, cooked in a Crock pot, and served with a “Ta-da!...no, that’s it.” 

I immediately contacted Aaron, and told him his sister had sent me his way and that I really liked wha tthey had put out so far for the promos. Using the only video I had, my youtube videos, I ended up getting the part of “Alex”, which, not to spoil it for anyone, but it ends up actually being a pretty awesome part of the series.

And things have been really fucking awesome for "The Vault" so far: it’s been selected for the Marseille WebFest (I knew I could count on the Frenchies), and the Independent Film Quarterly in LA, and with a sudden Reddit following, the series is getting alot of good exposure.

Which of course, leads to the random-guy-I-don’t-know friend requests.  I think when a web series gets some people who are super into it, especially because the nature of The Vault is so fan involved, there's bound to be some interesting fan to actor contacts .

I got a few phone calls from the same number, asking for “John” and “Jason”…and I realized I had my contact information on my website. So googling my name would also get people my phone number. Oops. Changed that up pretty quickly. Now all the creepy calls can go to my manager. Hooray.

So, I decided to create a public Facebook page. It felt safer then suddenly being like, “LOOK PICTURES OF MY FAMILY” to a bucket full of people I didn’t know. And it’s nice to have somewhere to post things about what’s going on in my acting life without feeling like I’m shoving it into innocent people’s faces.

However, I realized after searching “The Vault webseries” on Reddit, that my precautions could not stop ALL the weird shit from happening.

So since “The Vault” has gotten so much Reddit responses, I was curious to see what else people thought about the series: what they thought was happening, the answers to the puzzles, etc.  I put "The Vault webseries" into the search bar.

And, my friends…I found something that, even I, who has an extensive imagination, could not think up myself. Probably because I do not have a penis. Or special skills in investigative and research-based pornography.

This.

The "NSFW" was my first clue that I had stumbled onto something....unique.

For those of you as confused as I was, a “dopplebanger” is a porn star who looks like the person in question. Like a doppleganger. But more naked.

After realizing that someonewas looking for a porn star who looked like me, a couple of thoughts ran through my head: most of them ending in “what the fuuuuck”.

But also…why did this person have to find someone else who looked like me to whack off to?

Why wasn’t something like this picture enough?

Or this one?

And someone must’ve immediately reached for the Kleenexes when they saw this one.

Probably to catch their tears, but possibly to simultaneously jerk off.

I was also offended by thepicture they chose, for it did not show off my better qualities, like my personality.

Unfortunately, the professionals from the “Dopplebanger” thread have not found someone with severe daddy issues and extremely low self-esteem who looks like me.

All I’d like to say is…I’m disappointed. Get it together. Just use the one they did of Amy Adams or Denise Richards, and that should be close enough.

On the more productive and less awkward side of things, my manager is a baller. I have meetings with a lot of really good casting directors in the next week or so. And hopefully one of them is French. French people stick together.

I had my first one with a casting director from CBS studios, and of course, I googled the shit out of him. But, surpringly, although you could probably find tons of information just on Jennifer Aniston’s dog and her favorite moisturizer, there is almost nothing on casting directors. A lot of them haven’t even touched their IMDB pages. How am I supposed to start a conversation about your life if I don’t know any Fun Facts about you from IMDB?

So I went in pretty nervous. This was my first real big meeting, where first impressions counted and it was probably best if I didn’t fuck up the 10 minutes I got with the person who may pull me in for a guest role on Two Broke Girls. Thinking positively, here.

So I go in and sit on the couch, next to this woman in a tight dress and heels. She gets called in and is immediately loud, southern-tastic, and filled with that weird I AM SO HAPPYLOOK I’M HAPPY energy.

Fuck. I was going to looklike a wet blanket compared to this woman.

So I wait. And wait. And wait as I hear the echoes of this woman’s laughter and the pitch of her voice go on a vocal roller coaster ride…and it’s about 20 minutes before she fianlly comes out.

I should’ve done more research.

I sit there as he talks to his co-worker about going to her show since she’s a stand up commdian. I wonder if doing improv shows is the way to go with this sort of thing…and then I have this vision of me fucking up at an improv show where some big casting directors have chosen to come to. I’ll just send out youtube videos…

He calls me in, and immediately it’s speed dating time.

I’ve never actually been speed dating, but from the TV shows and matchmaking reality television, I’m pretty sure I got something pretty similar.

What’s your name? What’s your background? Where did you grow up? How’d you get your manager?

And all the questions I had for him go out the window as I try to group answers together that are too the point but still entertaining.

He says, “So…you’re funny.”

Which wasn’t really a question, but was said in a way that I should clarify is, yes or no, I was funny.

It was like he was asking questions, getting the gist of what I said, and then already asking the next question while I wrapped up my answer.

He thanked me for coming, I thanked him for taking time to meet with me, and he said he had a couple shows he’ll contact me about in the future..

I left feeling like I wasn’t exactly sure what had happened, but I felt like whatever it was, it was probably a good thing. And I didn’t vomit on anyone. Yes.

I had a second one with Dreamworks, and you start to get this whole speed-casting down. Short and sweet conversations about your background and stuff you’re doing, where IMDB funfacts do not come into question. They tell you about their studio, what they do, what they’re working on, and if you’ve read the pilot you can chime in withsome positive words…but basically, there’s no asking about how they got into casting shows or what they’re favorite color is.

So really, all the stress was pretty useless. Because as long as you don’t say, “Hey, I LOVE that show ‘Game of Thrones’, it’s basically the best show EVER” and you’re talking to ABC, you’re good to go.

Wish I had known that before, could’ve saved myself some stress.

So now, it’s a “Let’s see what happens” kinda game. And as long as I don’t throw up on myself and don't apologize, or forget what studio I’m in, things should at least be okay.

Unless I start myconversations with asking if they know what a “Dopplebanger” is.

How NOT to Get Actors to Audition for your Shit.

Alright. I wasn't planning on posting so soon. But this...this is just too good/bad not to share.

Anyone who ever wants to cast a project...I call this, "What you should do if you want only 4 people to show up."

So this morning I get a notice that a short film called "I Hear Steps" wants me to audition for them. When I'm submitting myself for auditions, I don't necessarily inspect everything on the audition notice, but I'm guessing the fact that it was filming in Mount Washington and that it was paying $400 a day that made me submit.

Now, with every audition you get, there usually is a blurb about the project, the location, and where you can get the sides/script.

What I received was a full on essay with this at the top:

Read at least twice. Alright. So I'm guessing they have specific things they want to make sure we notice, like maybe they're switching locations halfway through, or they want to give us the dates they're shooting to we don't audition for the project when we couldn't even really be able to film on all the days...

What followed was this:

Okay. Wow. Well, technically if you go earlier than your call time, that's like you rescheduled without asking...but the "tardiness will be noted" thing sent me back to 4th grade, like if I was 5 minutes late they were going to call my mom asking me why she keeps dropping me off late.

What do you do if you have work and want to switch times?

Well, they've got that covered in here, too.

I like the "blah, blah, blah", it really makes me feel secure that the casting director is over the age of 14.

I do like that they assumed all the actors were "nie and responsible". And warning us how "bad" you look for trying to work with casting in order to be able to audition.

2 hours. TWO HOURS FOR AN AUDITION. Are you kidding me? And wait, who is "cheating"? How do you "cheat" at an audition?

"lol", indeed.

 NO ONE wants you there AN HOUR BEFORE YOUR AUDITION TIME.  If you get there an hour early, it's either because you have to do the audition earlier, or this is the only audition you've ever done and you get there an hour early because you've over-estimated LA traffic.

Which I have done.

In this case, just go to a Starbucks and look like a normal person.

Oh, awesome. If we prove ourselves to be environmentally friendly, we get an automatic "like". Great. Are they casting based on our "score" at the end? Will this give me 5 extra "like" points?

You know, I'm beginning to sense that someone has a case of "sarcasm". Which, trust me, I'm all down for the sarcastic remarks. But I don't like them sprinkled through my audition notices or directed towards me.

And, wow, "poor clueless souls"? Maybe they accidentally forgot them, or they got this audition notice from their managers who forgot to attach this long list of commandments or sides.

I love that the "notes" actors put on their scripts to remember their intentions and specific changes in character are instantly diminished, that's great.

Alright, this is going from sarcasm to full out belittling. You've got to wonder, does this girl think she's hilarious for putting all this extra useless shit in here?

MAYBE you could just put them on Showfax, or some other side site. Because those sites are (almost universally) used for most auditions.

Or MAYBE you sent them a bad file, and they need you to re-send it to them.

I don't know anyone that blamed the casting director for fucking up their computer. Unless they sent a virus or something.

Also, I'm not sure google is "magical" enough to answer why you're a big ol' beezy, but thanks for the suggestion.

And now, for the audition rules and regulations.

My phone number? How about you just look at my resume. Also, I'm glad you specified it had to be MY choices, I was just going to steal them from Meryl and see how that worked out.

Well, thanks for the advice. And a lot of bad phrase structuring. And I'm guessing you may not want everyone to "read twice entirely", unless you want to be there another 3 hours.

Is this real life? Does this casting director, with, by the way, no real credits to her name, think she can talk this way to people?

I thought about sending the director an e-mail, explaining that although I would've loved to audition for his film, I don't appreciate being mocked and belittled before I even actually meet anyone from the project. And I might still do that, but I have a feeling it could blow up in my face.

But seriously, I've never NOT wanted to do an audition so much. I can't imagine how she's going to treat the actor she actually casts.

Also, rereading the original audition notice, the $400 wasn't even a gaurantee. It was if the movie makes money, and covers all the expenses, and THEN, if there's extra, you get $400. And I don't know any short film that doesn't have any plans to go into some sort of festival make any money.

So after reading this super important information, I had to say...

Oh the magic of a dishwasher. And my accidental trip down Extra Lane.

What have I been doing the last three weeks?

Oh, yeah, I went home.

I was wondering why there was such a gap between my last post and this one.

So I went home for about a week after spending 7 months in LA, constantly busy finding work. And let me say...after you live with your boyfriend in a small mini-house where you are sans-dishwasher and sans-washer/dryer, and you usually end up being the one who gets fed up first about how messy the house is and spend hours cleaning up only to have it all cycle all over again....being home is fucking awesome.


But dangerous.

Because my parents would LOVE to have me closer, especially not really knowing the acting/TV industry logistics at all. Like, not at aaaaaaall.

Me: "Hey Mom! I just got an audition for the spin-off of 'The Office' to play Dwight's sister!"
Mom: "Oh, that would be nice." (Like I have the option of doing it or just doing something better...)

Me: "Hey, Dad! So this movie I was in...they're trying to sell it to ABC Family!"
Dad: "Uh-huh...?"
Me: "...no, that's it."
Dad: "Oh. Cool."

I'm pretty sure they think there are only 70 unknown actors in LA.

So I headed down there with my cat for a week, hoping I could at least try not to think about acting.

And that's exactly what I did.

And it was awesome.

Someone else cooked food for me!
I made desserts, and people actually ate them!
I put clothes in a washing machine and didn't have to worry about bringing quarters or forgetting my dryer sheets!
I had a pool! I didn't go in it, but it was nice to have it there.
I had lunch with one of my best friends without worrying about parking!

Even my fucking cat was happier.

All my stress-induced symptoms had magically disappeared, and I suddenly realized what a mess I was.

What about LA stresses me out so much?

Or maybe the better question was...what about LA doesn't stress me out?

I'm not gonna lie, I did for a flash of a second wonder if I could somehow stay at home for another month, and just commute to LA when I needed to.

Then I realized it was a 5 1/2  hour drive, and changed my mind.

So I left that Tuesday morning, part of me really wishing I could stay another week.

I started to understand why people lived with their parents after college. It's easy. And comfy. And everything's in a nice little package for you.

But of course, I will purposely take the harder way around something just for shits and giggles. If a hiking path splits into a rocky, unstable way and a flat, safe road, I will always take the rocky one. Because I'm a masochist. Or because the end just is that much better if you really work for it.

There's no way I was going to live back home (sorry Mom.), but it was definitely a nice vacation from the shit (both good and bad...although the concept of 'good shit' seems realistically impossible) I had paddled through the last 7 months.

So I was back to infinitely cleaning and fixing the house, filtering through sketchy auditions, and accidentally being a hermit.
But it was nice to know that even if everything goes to shit, there was always home.

And when I got back to LA, it was back to auditions.

I had gotten this audition notice for a hidden camera show for Lifetime about these daughters who were pranking their moms in different situations.

I'm always looking for improv-based stuff, just to keep practicing it. Plus, that stuff's always super fun.

And I fondly looked back on a TV show my mom and I used to watch...Girls Behaving Badly.

It's where Chelsea Handler got her start, and it was an awesome prank show. So when I saw the listing, I immediately submitted myself.

A few days later, I got the audition. Yesss. I was stoked. This could actually be something I might be really good at.

The character description was for a cult member. But there were so many cults, I couldn't chose just one specific cult-y look, so I just went with the basic shirt, jeans combo. However, this girl that I had met in the elevator clearly had her own version. She came in with a long green skirt and necklaces, with a head scarf. I wondered if I had accidentally thought 'cult' instead of 'gyspy'. And then I pondered if gypsies were a cult. Then I thought of that show "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding" and decided they were.

The problem when you accidentally buddy up with someone on your quest to find the audition is that anyone you meet during your journey will group you together as one. Which means if your quest-buddy decides to be rude and sarcastic, everyone you run into will assume you also have these same qualities.

So we went to the front desk, who sent us to the end of the hallway. However, when we got there, a guy came out of his office, telling us to head back to the elevator and go back down to Level 1. To which my quest-buddy sighed dramatically at, looked at him exasperated, and muttered, "Uh, ooooooookaaaaaaay..."

QUICK DAMAGE CONTROL.

"Thank you!" I smiled. Look, we're different!

We finally find the right place and wait with about 5 other girls waiting to go in. I sign in and wait, as a woman comes in to take us to yet another room. I tried to take some points of reference, knowing that with my directional skills I would end up extremely lost on my way out.

As she takes all of us in, she puts us on a line in front of a green screen. I wondered if the people reviewing these tapes ever just decide to put actors in space. Or in "Haywire".  Or in a really bad porn movie.

The casting director seemed very flustered, but still retaining a forced positivity. She was definitely working at a hundred miles an hour, and spewing a lot of "oh my god, you're so cute!" everytime she reviewed our resumes, but wouldn't actually look at us.

Gypsy girl didn't have a headshot or resume. I had a feeling this would only be the beginning.

The casting director asked her for her name and number. She had a name that I can't really remember now, but it sounded like a stage name she created for herself based on her World of Warcraft avatar or some obscure fantasy novel she had read.

She explained that we were going to just say our names and any special skills we had. Easy enough. There was an asian girl next to me who explained that she could to vietnamese accents and korean accents. She was cast on the spot as a nail lady for an upcoming episode.

Wait. You have no idea what her improvisation is like, and you cast her based on the fact that she can do an accent.

Apparently, this casting director was more into "feeling" people, then actually casting based on acting/improv ability. Lovely.

She gets to me, and immediately says, "So I see you look very athletic, what kind of sports do you do?"

Well. That was a first.

I could visualize the faces of some of my friends looking at her like she was crazy and going, "WHAT?!"

I was thrown off. But recovered with a, "I do Bikram yoga"

She explained that she had a "feeling" that I'd be perfect for this yoga sketch they did a while ago.

And then it was Gypsy's turn.

I think she was reading off her non-existant two-page resume, because the list went ON and ON...

The most awkward part was when she was explaining that she could do a Russian accent. When she did the accent, however, it was more like a Borat impression gone terribly, terribly wrong. The casting director smiled and nodded. I think she wasn't "feeling" this girl. She quickly cut Gypsy off, asking the next girl her name, to which Gypsy almost responded with her own, thinking she just wanted to know her carefully crafted name again.

After the last girl did her spiel, she told us we were going to be cult members, "like Sister Wives", and act like we were welcoming this mom who was getting pranked by her daughter into the cult. She also emphasized to play it very real, since obviously we would need to convince the mom-in-question that we were real.

Let me tell you...group improv as an audition where everyone's going for the same part is a mess-and-a-half. Because everyone wants to put their two cents in and stand out.

Especially when Gypsy decides that her version of a polygamist cult member includes a weird baby voice, reminiscent of Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy, and spewing random lines an actor at the front of a haunted house might repeat for 5 hours.

"Welcooooome to our hoooooome...pleeeease, come iiiiin..."

The casting director cuts the video, exclaiming how good all of it was. She explains that she has smaller roles and bigger roles, that she likes to cast people in the smaller roles first before upgrading them if they've never done hidden camera TV before. She asked if anyone would be up for the smaller roles, which basically was like saying, "Take the smaller roles, or you're not getting anything."

Gypsy said that she only wanted a bigger role and didn't want a small role. The casting director told her she could leave, but not without Gypsy spewing a few other facts she could've had on her resume if she had one. Like she did fortune telling! And she even combined two of her talents, doing a Borat-influenced fortune teller. The casting director forced a laugh and closed the door.

After that was over and she excused two of the other girls, it was me and another actress left. She said she "really loved" the both of us and wanted to cast us in the prank they were doing on Thursday. She cast me as the hostess of the restaurant, and the other girl as the waitress.

Then another girl peeked in, saying she was told to come in here. The casting director took her resume and information. And then had a "feeling that she was awesome", so she cast her as a hostess on another prank.

Oh. Wow, it took her a whole audition to think we were awesome.

She quickly booked us, without giving the location or time, but told us to look for an e-mail about everything.

So over the next few days, I get a few e-mails from her (none of them being the details of the shoot). One of them was about how she needed 5 extras ASAP that day, to which I explained I was working (aka babysitting).

Then, an e-mail about a role for $75 for Thursday that was auditioning that day. Again, I explained that I had work. But that I was still on for Thursday to play the hostess.

And then another e-mail at night about meeting with her producers the next morning (not really explaining why), to which I had to explain that I was already occupied, but if I could get there at 3, I would love to.

She responded: "kewl".

It was the day before the shoot, and I finally got an e-mail about bringing casual clothes and different options, and that the shoot was on Melrose at 9:30.

Kewl.

I've already told the people I babysit for that I couldn't do Thursday, so they had found someone else to help them out. I was good to go, and actually pretty excited. I wondered what the prank was going to be...wondered if they had a specific character they wanted me to play...

They wanted us all to park 4 blocks away from the restaurant...because I guess if street parking near Melrose, one of the busiest streets in LA, was filled up, it would seem suspicious...(end sarcasm).

Whatever, that's fine. Walking is good for me.

So I get to the restaurant, immediately noticing the cameras they had set up to look like security cameras, with big signs next to them proclaiming how they were SECURITY CAMERAS (AND NOT ANYTHING ELSE.)

I awkwardly look around, trying to find someone who looks important. I make eye contact with someone with a headset, and he asks my role and name. I tell him I'm playing the hostess. He looks at me a little confused.

"How much are you getting paid?"

"Um. I'm not totally sure."

The casting director wasn't really generous with details. I had already known it wasn't going to be a whole lot, though.

Man with Headset tells me he doesn't see me on his list.

What.

He tells me to go inside and sign in with Bob.

Okay...

I tell Bob the same thing, and he also seems confused but just ushers me to the paperwork.

Wait. What's going on?

I see the girl who I had met during the audition who was playing the waitress. She asks me what I'm playing, and now I'm not sure. I explain what had just happened, and she points me to the direction of another girl...who apparently is now playing the hostess.

"You didn't get a script?"

Okay, now I'm really confused.

Apparently, these non-specific meetings and auditions were somehow linked with today. Because I guess this other girl got cast as the Hostess after said meeting.

And I had been downgraded without even being told, or even being put on the list of actors coming in today.

I was now an extra.

Memories came flooding back about the last time I had done extra work, and I just stared at the paperwork without filling it out.

No. I was not going to be paid $30 to do 8 hours of extra work. At least last time, I got paid for overtime and motherfucking minimum wage. This was ridiculous.

On top of that, just looking through the paperwork, I found this gem:

"I accept that I will not be entitled to any monetary compensation"

Wait. What? Okay, I hope they mean residuals, but it never really specified.

Finally, I e-mailed the casting director, telling her what happened.

It's too many "just"s, but it got my point across.

I got one back minutes later from her:

Well. Awesome. $30 for either, but I'd rather be actually doing something then siting around doing nothing for 4 hours. And I'm glad she had a "feeling" it was going to be fun, but I had a feeling of my own. That this was going to be bad times.

And then she sent:

Woah. Wait. There was absolutely no mention of the meeting being a callback for this role you already booked me on.

I appreciated that she would have me in a bigger part this time, but this still wasn't cool.

So. I texted Sam to clarify my feelings.

And then I got a good helping of Sam advice.








Well, maybe I wouldn't tell them to go fuck themselves...but the leaving part had crossed my mind.

I thought about it. They didn't even have me on their list. The only thing they have is me on the sign in sheet, that I wrote my name on.

What if I went to one of them and explained my situation?

I mean, I could. But they'd probably think I was some whiny actor who didn't want to just suck it up and do it. 

I felt like I had to stay...even though clearly I kinda got screwed over. It was a weird moment, because i felt like by staying I was accepting the idea that actors are just cattle people can pay almost nothing for. That I was replaceable, and that I shouldn't do anything selfish if I wanted to keep working.

I looked around. I looked at my bag of different clothing options I had brought. 

And I walked out.

Fuck that shit.

I walked out past Bob and the other producers. No one asked where I was going. And I was outtie.

And I felt really good about it. 

I went back to my car, got in, and went home to actually do something I wanted to do.

For the first couple hours back home, I was a little nervous: what if I get an e-mail asking where I went?

It's been about 4 hours, and no sign of anyone curious as to where I went.

A lot of being in LA is filtering through the bullshit, and knowing when something happens when you should just suck it up, and when it's just not cool.

Wait.

Or maybe I was on another hidden camera prank show for actors where I was the one being punked....

...oh shit.

The Manager at the End of the Tunnel, and My 1 CHANCE 2 DANCE Was Mostly Mild Crunking.

So just as an update, I haven't died once in LA.

And by that, I mean none of the characters I've played have died onscreen. Which is kind of a feat considering the fact that it "just wasn't a UCSB play if Alexia didn't die in it". Okay, maybe that's not a fact, but a widely-upheld opinion. I died (off-stage and on-stage) exactly 5 1/2 times in shows at UCSB, and you can tack on another 2 for scenes.  Oh, the '1/2' is for Winter Fruit as Persephone. We decided I was half-dead when I came back from Hades.

As a result, I pretty much could put "dying" as a special skill.

But as much fun as being limp and bloody, taking pills, and stabbing myself was...I kinda really missed comedy. And after a few years of putting it on the back-burner, it's starting to look like that's where I'm headin'.

So a few week ago, I did this improv pilot sizzle reel in Joshua Tree for the same people who did the one in New York. It's funny, because every time I go into an improv-based scene, I always have this tiny panicky feeling of "What if I forget how to be funny?". Like, what if I just suck and can't do it? A lot of people say it's like riding a bike, but what if suddenly the bike becomes a unicycle or is lit on fire? I don't know how to ride a bike that's on fire.

But like improv does to me every time, I get the weird panicky feeling and then do it...and then after, I wish I could just do that for the rest of my life.

I wonder if there's some sort of adrenaline high from that? Like a milder form of skydiving. Okay, like a waaaaay milder form of skydiving.

Anyway, it was a really fun shoot, and I should've eaten something before wearing a corset/full on western pioneer gear in a 90+ degree desert.

But on the shoot, I met this guy who had done a couple things with John and Nancy before and was playing opposite John's character in this reel. Super nice and is in the main company at the Groundlings. And he was nice enough to recommend me to his manager, which was ridiculously kind of him.

So I e-mail him my information, and a few days later hear back from him and his manager, who wanted to meet with me before he left for New York. I was kinda stoked. It looked like he was dealing with a lot of comedy-type actors/writers, and especially one from MADtv that I grew up watching.

And straight off the bat, he sends me an audition for a pilot for Nick at Night. Without even meeting with him. Which is kinda hilarious, because I had seen the second e-mail he had sent about it while I had a quick break on set, and thought he meant to send the e-mail to the two characters that were in the name of the pilot...durrr. 40 Points from Hufflepuff.

I went to the audition a few days later, and did my thing. And didn't suck, which I think is important.

And then from there went to meet with him for coffee.

And it all seemed to really mesh well. Like, I had gotten a huge fall in my stomach when I talked to that other manager (re: douchetastic controling-boyfriend man) and got really panicky when I had to talk to him again. But this guy was really chill and calm, but really seemed to know what he could see me playing and what direction he wanted me to go in. And it wasn't dramatic HBO shows. Douche-master had said to me: "There aren't any roles for you in comedy. I can give you the breakdowns myself, there's nothing for someone of your type." While this guy straight up said the complete opposite: that he thought I was exactly what people were looking for.

It's funny because I was almost hesitant to look into a manager because of the last guy, thinking every manager was just going to try to suck my soul out. And I happened to find someone who seems to kinda want to put my career somewhere I actually want it to go. Sans crying, probably partially naked, on HBO.

And after just triple-checking to make sure everything checked out, I now officially have a manager.

Which I think is exactly what I need at this point.

Awkwardly enough, though, he left to go to NY for a week after we met (but said we'd get the ball rolling when he came back)...and then after pushing it back and rescheduling my trip to visit the family (and a really sad e-mail from my mom...YOU CAN'T SAY NO TO A SAD E-MAIL FROM YOUR MOTHER), I told him I had to go back home for a few days.

Is it weird that I feel bad about that? I actually felt uneasy writing and sending the e-mail. Like he'd suddenly decide that because I left, I must've not cared about my career...

I think I really might be a workaholic.

 Although I do wish I could've gone home at a better time...I think my mom would've actually been pissed if I didn't come home this time. Oh look, my first family vs career moment.

I guess it's a good thing I haven't had time to go home...right? Or is it weird that I think that's a good thing.

Anyway, at the same time all of this was happening, I just wrapped the bigger project I've been working on for the last few weeks: 1 CHANCE....2 DANCE.

Okay, it's just 1 Chance 2 Dance...but I wrote it out how I usually say it to people.

It's a teen dance movie where I get to play a theater-enthusiast, red head mean girl. Which is fun-tsatic, by the way. Who knew being mean could be so entertaining?...okay, not in real life, but....you know what I mean.

It was a super chill cast/crew environment: never felt stressed out about anything, never felt weird or awkward being there. Super fun group of people. And I can't wait to see how it all comes together.

Someone told me they might try to sell it to someone like ABC family, which. Would kind of be ridiculously awesome. We'll see what happens. Like all films, this one's not going to be finished for another half a year, most likely.

But the last day was probably the best day.

I don't think I can say anything about the plot because I think that's illegal...but my character has a house party with a theme that involves our independence day...in April.

It was my 1 CHANCE 2 DANCE...and probably my last.

Now, pretty much EVERYONE dances in this movie. I don't know how I got lucky enough to not have to do any, since my character happens to be a theater kid.  So I knew I had to make it count.

So the scene comes, and I have two guys who definitely do not know what they've signed up for. That's right. My character gets to dance with two guys at once. I mean...it is her party.

One of them asks me if they can put his hands on my hips. Which makes me wonder if I should've asked them permission for what I had planned....uh. Too late.

And they call action: my dance was the worst/best mixture of old people crunking, the stereotypical "white girl rhythm" (google it), a few hairography moves, and a tiny american flag I used as a dancing prop.

I think the two guys might've been under the impression that I was actually going to dance like a normal slutty person. They must've been a little confused, but mostly scared to dance with anyone ever again.

Honestly, if I could do that stuff the rest of my life...I wouldn't be a sad camper.

Right now, the writing bug decided to bite again, and I'm trying to write out a full episode of this webseries/TV show idea that I think with the right people, could be really fucking good. So if anyone's around this summer with some extra free time...let me know.

Let's film shit.

It's like a film within a film...like Hamlet. With AK-47s.

Sometimes things happen to you, and after they've happened, you can't really believe that the events actually occurred. Like you were just pretending this happened.

I think that's what I'm going through now.

Except it's been almost a week since it has happened.

Oh, woah, it sounds like something horrible happened to me, my bad.

Nah, I'm good, but shit got cray'.

So I'm working on this film called, "Snippets of Wally Watkins" for the last month, which is probably one of the best scripts I've worked on since I got here.

Ch-ch-check it. They don't need anymore money, but they're kickstarter page is pretty bomb: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/droptheraygun/snippets-of-wally-watkins-a-short-film

The feeling you get when you're like, "Fuck I have to get this" is what I felt when I read for Wally's girlfriend, Emma. And I  did a huge happy dance in my car when I found out I got it a couple months ago. It's been challenging, pushing my own boundaries. Lady-bits-covered sex scene on a beach. Definitely not something I came out to LA to DO necessarily, but put in the script in a way that wasn't raunchy or porn-y. Okay, that's a whole 'nother story. Sparknotes: sex scenes are never sexy. Especially when done in a semi-public place. And scene.

Okay, back on track. So basically, I loved the story and characters so much, and knew I was in good hands, that I felt really comfortable just following along and doing whatever to get the story across.

One scene that was in the last week of filming: Wally is in a cow field when Emma goes up to him when he's on the ground and gives him a granola bar.

 So the cast and crew meets together and we head about 2 hours or so to cow country in the middle of fucking nowhere.

In fact, this was so in the middle of fucking nowhere, that there was ZERO phone reception. Except our sound guy, Justin, who somehow had a bar or two.

Kinda worth it when you get a background scene like this, though.

That's with zero allteration, kids. Postcard status.

But we start to walk around...and the dead rattle snake on the side of the road doesn't look like the worst of our problems.

There's TONS of shotgun shells, all near a "DO NOT TRESPASS" sign.

Alright, I guess someone really likes to use their shotgun. That's...cool.

And for at least a little bit, I was under the impression we had a permit or something to shoot on the other side of the fence, so I didn't reaaaaaally think about it.

A few cars stop by to see what we're doing: we tell them we're shooting a students film, and they go on their way.

We shoot all the wide shots of Wally and I driving through the hills, and a few shots of us pulled over to the side of the road. And the cow field scene comes up.

It becomes clear that we, indeed, do not have permits. Nor do we have the permission to film on the field from the rancher.

My first thought is not "Oh rattle snakes in the field". It's "I don't feel like getting shot today".

I mean, if you think about it, it's kind of the perfect horror film set-up: Cast and crew go up to film sans permits on some rancher's field, no service on our phones, and it's getting darker and darker...

We've been having a few cars pass us during the day, but as we set up the scene on the field, a car passes by with a flashlight. They don't really stop, just kinda roll on by. We assume they just wanted to see what we were doing and make sure it wasn't anything stupid. Cool, well, they left, so all's good to go.

So the lights get set up, the camera gets put on the other side of the fence, and the "No Trespassing" sign suddenly 'disappears'...AKA: someone moved it.

They start filming the first shot of the scene, which is just Wally...and we see a car come down with a flashlight again.

But this time it's a cop car.

But it doesn't stop, or pull over or anything. Just keeps going.

So we assume they realize we're not doing anything illegal (kinda) and keep going.

It's my turn to join the scene, so I hop the wire fence and place myself in the field for the scene, which ended up just being a kinda dirt patch. We shoot the wide shot first, and things are going pretty smoothly.

That is until someone yells that there are 3 headlights coming down the hill.

That's 3 cars of either: police...or rednecks.

My mind's racing, but I know I don't want to be on this side of the fucking fence.

I run to the fence, hop over it, and hide/sit in the backseat of one of the cars.

Two people hide on the other side of the fence, someone shuts off the generator to the big light we had going, and everyone's heart rate is fucking pounding.

And suddenly, the cars' lights flash.

The three cop cars pull to the side of the road, and what seems like half a second, about 5 police men and women come out. All I hear is "Put your hands up!"...

...and the reloading sound of a shotgun.

WHAT THE FUCK.

So I put my hands up, and I don't move a muscle.

I hear, "Girl in the car, I need you to slowly get out".

OH SHIT THAT'S ME.

He shines his flashlight on me as I get out of the car, with most likely an expression closely resembling someone who just shit his or her pants.

One at a time, we're told to kneel on the road, our hands still up in the air.

All of us are in a line...and I sense a wee bit of confusion budding through the police members.

"So. We got a call saying that a group of kids were shooting and drinking here"

We respond with a soft cloud of "No, no sir, that wasn't us". I suddenly felt like I was back in second grade, and someone asked me if I had beat some kid up. True story.

So apparently, someone had called the police, saying that a group of kids were drinking and shooting shit. The police, instead, came upon us: a group of kids shooting a film while drinking from water bottles and soda cans.

They then ask what exactly we were doing on the other side of the fence, seeing as the camera had gotten left in the field, and the director and a crew member had gotten caught on the other side of the fence.

Someone explains that "we didn't know, there wasn't a "No Trespassing Sign".

Because we hid it. But close enough.

Apparently he told us we could lower our hands like two minutes ago, but my subconcious didn't want to take any chances, so I kinda stayed like that for a while. Before the cop was like, "It's cool, you can put your hands down." Oh, okay, cool.

He basically lets us continue shooting on the RIGHT side of the fence near the road, and tells us to watch out for drunk ranchers and rednecks, because I guess this is the cool place for them to drink and drive. Lovely.

We all regroup, none of us really processing what just happened, and the cops kinda stick around for a while while we decompress.

What the fuck just happened.

We take a second, drink some water, and chill the fuck out while we try to set up the next shots near the road where it's legal.

After staying for another ten minute or so, the cops decide that everything's cool and they head off.

And as they're heading up the mountain again, a white pick up truck drives by us.

We all watch him as he sticks his sunburnt head out the window.

The truck starts to drive out of our light, and suddenly we hear

BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM-BAM!

Rounds of shots are heard and everyone fucking runs or ducks.

They head off into the night, while we CAN STILL SEE THE COP CARS' TAIL LIGHTS.

WHAT. THE FUCK.

And that kinda was the final straw of "Fuck this shit".

Justin, the guy with 2 bars, tries to call 911 to tell them about what just happened, in hopes that the cops  get the message that the guys they're looking for ARE RIGHT BEHIND THEM.

Collectively, we all decide it's not really worth dying from redneck bullets tonight, and we're all in actions mode, grabbing whatever we find and shoving it into cars.

What was on everyone's minds was: what happens if they turn around?

We're fucked.

I try to keep an eye out for any headlights I see coming down and race to shove all the shit into the few cars we have down there.

And suddenly, we see headlights again.

OHFUCKOHSHIT.

The whole cast and crew crouches behind the four cars, and waits as the car drives by...

No shots. Awesome. Let's get the fuck out of here.

We shove the last bits of equipment in, and we're outtie.

Driving away, half-shellshocked, murmurs of 'Did that just happen?' come up every few minutes. And when someone asks how Wally and I feel about picking up where we left off when we get back to homebase...there's a deadpan silence. That's a no.

Someone in the car remarks that that could've totally been the cops fucking with us, knowing we weren't doing anything dangerous.

And then, the scary thought of...oh shit...what if the cops and the rednecks WERE ALL IN IT TOGETHER?! comes up.




Now THAT'S some fucking horror film shit.