Thank you, frenchtasticness. Also, I might be jumping on some balls.

These last two weeks have been hectic as fuck. In the best way, of course.

I don't know how anyone does this without a car.

So a few major things have happened since I last wrote. 

First, my mom is awesome. Although possibly not appreciating it as much when I was little, this whole fluent in French without a real accent has been one of the main factors in some of the auditions I've been on. Funny enough, LA actually had a lot more French shit going on than you would think. 

One of these projects could be really really really fuckin' awesome. It'd be for a TV series, which is baller. I auditioned Monday though...and the audition is driving me crazy. I mean, I guess all of it. When you have an audition like that, all you can think about is what you did wrong, what you could've done differently, and when they would make up their minds to tell you if you got it. And that's kinda what's haunting me right now. Which is shitty, because of course, it's distracting me from the other shit I have going on. And I'm good at stalking, as you know, so of course, I'm looking online for absolutely ANY piece of evidence that the role has been cast or when they would be shooting it.

Crazy, yeah, I realize that.

So I'm trying not to think about it.

It's not working, but at least I'm trying.

Also, I had the easiest audition of my life yesterday.

It was for a FRANCE 2 promo for their summertime line up. I mentioned in my audition submission that I spoke French, and got a meeting. In the audition description, they wanted everyone to come in dressed in summer clothes. I literally forgot how to dress myself for warm weather, it was weird. I just stared at a few shirts in my drawer for a while, wondering if they would be "summery" enough. The best part about it all, though, was that on the day of the audition....it was raining. So I pick out these shorts and a nice teal tank top with sandals, and throw my peacoat over it, and I literally looked like a misinformed tourist, who only brought shorts, sandals and tank tops, and a peacoat JUUUUUST for shits and giggles.

So I go in. And a pair of twins are already there. Dammit, I can't beat a pair of identical people. They ask if they should go in together...GAWD can't you audition by yourselves?! (No, I get it...look, there's two of them.)

Finally, it's my turn, and I go in the room to find it's just a guy behind a camera. He asked me to slate. And literally, any French heritage or speaking ability just went out the door.

"Okay smile...give me your profile...other side...360 turn...walk to the left...walk to the right...smile while you're walking...walk to the back...walk the front...and smile"

It was like one of those bad group songs that tells you when to move and how. It was like...you really couldn't just cast this based on pictures and maybe some video footage?

Also, I promise this is the last time I even mention it, but fuck, my youtube video has like 55,000 views, which is fuckin' ridiculous. Yeah, I get a few people who are like, "Poor attempt at a copy" (wasn't trying to copy...) or "Juliard doesn't have a theater program!" (<- fail.) But for the most part, the response has been pretty positive. Thanks for, on the whole, not hating me, youtube viewers. 

Alright. So now to the balls.

I always said I would never ever ever do reality TV. Because it's fake, and I just didn't want to be categorized as a weird psuedo-real character. 

But I always said: if there was one TV show I would do...

It would be Wipeout.

That's right, friends. 

I auditioned for Wipeout.

Of course, the first thing my mom says is, "You're going to hurt yourself!"

Seeing as I injured myself going off a ski lift...I can see her reasoning behind that statement. 

But I did it anyway. Actually, I just filled out the "name, photo, basic info" section, and then really didn't think anything of it...

And then I got a phone call Tuesday morning.

The worst part about that was because I couldn't really hear exactly what the guy was saying and I had to call him back because I was on my way to a rehearsal...I totally thought it was for the TV show thing I was obsessing over. 

So when I finally called back and realized it was for Wipeout, it was a bittersweet moment. 

But mostly sweet. Just at first disappointing, but then like, "OH SHIT."

So the guy asks me questions like, "What's unique about you?", "What would you do with $50,000?" (which apparently, they don't actually give out?? Whatever, I'm not really doing this because I think my athletic competence will get me to the finale). Finally, he tells me he wants me to come in and audition, and sends over everything via e-mail.

It says I can dress up in a costume.

You know I did that shit.

I got my red pants, my striped shirt, my little neck scarf, my beret, and a baguette from Ralph's and I Frenched myself out. Why does that sound so bad. Oh, I see what I did there.

So I show up, and in the e-mail, it sounds like you're going in in groups...but there was only one girl in my group, and she was in a boobtastic gym top and booty shorts, so we were clearly not competing for the same role. 

Once you get called in, they ask you things like, "What's your most embarassing moment?"...which, honestly, all kinda blurred for me. I feel like as an actor, I end up "embarassing" myself and not really giving a shit anymore. So for some reason, that was the hardest question to really think of a good answer to.  And of course, a victory dance, which obviously had to have a robot move in it. And a french victory chant.

I finish the audition, and the woman in charge lets me through to the second round! Huzzah! 

And there is a shit ton of paper work. 

Like, most of the "audition" process was me filling out all of it.

And there was some weird questions...

"Have you used recreational drugs? What were the names and telephone numbers of the men you were previously in a relationship with and where did they take place? What were your last traffic tickets?"

It was oddly hyper-specific and personal, which made part of me go "ehhhh", but I've never heard of any information leaked from Wipeout players, so I felt like it was cool...ish.

So I filled out all the paperwork, and they sent me on my way. I'd be kinda stoked to be on the show, I'm not gonna lie. 

I mean, Wipeout is less reality show and more gametastic, so I didn't really feel like it was going to ruin anything for me or anything. "Oh shit it's the french girl on Wipeout, fuck that shit" 

Also, quick sidenote...so I googled myself. Mostly because I was like, oh shit, if someone googles me for a part, what comes up?

And I found a couple things. One is called Dirty Telephone Book, which oddly enough has my phone number and facebook site, which is kinda creepy. But also found this shit:

So apparently I am "highly influential". I'd like to know what stalker-y factors are included into this conclusion, and who decides how socially influential I am. I mean, I guess it's not like "not important AT ALLLLLLL" haha still. That's creepy.

OH I FORGOT. The Music Video audition...oh my.

So I submitted myself for this music video girl. Not the shake-my-ass-dollah-bills-yall kind, but the girlfriend/coffee girl type. You know. 

I get a message to go to Tarzana to audition for it. No sides, no real anything. So I drive down, wait in the waiting room, and there's already one girl ahead of me, and no one else in the room. The walls were paper thin, so even if I didn't want to listen, I didn't really have a choice.

The guy/singer opened with the conversation with, "Oh man, I'm so hungover. Do you drink?"

And immediately I was like...heeeeere weee goooo. And the producer and director were both there, too.

The girl responds with, "OH ME TOO! No I drink all the tiiiiime, I love going out"

So obviously, they hit it off. I guess. Yay, they're both hungover.

And I'm pretty sure that's all they talked about.

At one point, the guy just left the casting and came out to the waiting room. He introduced himself...and made sure to tell me where the bathrooms were. That's nice. He then offers me candy, which I turned down...I don't know, I just ate breakfast, and I wasn't hungover.

The girl comes out of the casting room, take a chocolate, opens it and literally like flirts with him while slowly putting the piece of chocolate in her mouth, and I knew the only thing on his mind was CAST THIS GIRL=BLOWJOB. 

Lovely, my turn.

I go in. And they basically say they don't have anything for me to do, just to gage my personality. Okay.

We listen to his song. Which was awkward, because it was a balance of not liking it TOO much that they knew you were faking it, but not totally pokerfacing it. So. I bobbed my head. And smiled. And everyone just avoided each other's eye contact. 

And then the singer sits next to me. And of course, the line that gets the conversation started: "I am so hungover. I, like, just woke up from a nap."

Hot. Lovely. Where do I go with this...

It didn't really go anywhere. Because then he asked if I was hungover...no, not really. Do you drink? Yeah, like...a glass  of wine a night. Craaaay-zy, I know. Look, we're so alike. 

And then he asked me a weird question like, "Would you believe that that music came from me?"

Um, I guess? It's not too extreme of an idea so I said, "Yeah, sure."

And somehow that was a weird answer because he responded with, "Really? What?"

Oops wrong answer (?).

They asked if I wanted to do a monologue.  I didn't think my monologue about being a lady who thought she had dying micro people in her coffee was appropriate for this job, so I said I didn't have one totally prepared.

They had me act out a mini scene where  I was sleeping, woke up and thought my boyfriend/singer man was there, and then realized noooo we're broken up. 

Did it. The producer seemed to actually like me. He asked better questions, too. But clearly singer man and I had very little to talk about. And I don't think he got Blowjob vibes from me. Oops. 

So music video probably wont pan out. But I had an audition for this part that would film in Mammoth, which would be pretty fuckin' cool if I ended up getting it. We shall seeeeee. I actually kinda like the prospect of going somewhere out of LA to film something. Like a cool little field trip.

Til next time, my friends. And go to breakfast at Blu Jam Cafe. 

That was off topic, but seriously, it's delicious.