Hey, people watched my face a lot! But it wont be on a BBQ sauce...

So, when I made 'Shit theater girls say', I thought maybe the kids from the UCSB theater department would enjoy it, and maybe a few people who knew one of us. But turns out, a lot of theater girls say this shit. And before you know it, the video has like 25,000 views. What the fuck, that's awesome.

The video has actually gotten a lot of positive comments, not a whole lot of "fuck this shit" or "this girl needs to die", which is a good sign. I did get someone who thought that the fact that you could see my irises meant that I had mental problems. Which is weird, because I looked that up, and that's not really a thing. I kinda wish it was, that would be interesting.

Also, it's been really cool to hear from people you haven't talked to for, like, YEARS. Like, since high school. I've gotten some really, really nice messages: from 'hey, nice to see your face!' to 'you should seriously move to New York and be on SNL'. Well shit, yes, thank you, hook that up, please.

I had someone in Vancouver ask me to be in a film project they're working on. Which, I'd totally be down for,  especially because I've never been to that side of Canada. And then we figured out the exact middle of the distance between us would be near the Shakespeare festival in Ashland, which would also be baller. And he's doing a zombie film apparently, which...we know how I'd do in that...

Also something interesting that comes with making a youtube video is people start friending you who you have never met in your life. Which is great, and cool if you have a friend in common or something. But some people just friend you outta no where and you're kinda like..."how did you find me."

This happened to me yesterday,

I had a girl friend me who had posted my youtube on her wall, on her friend's wall, and literally quoted it all the way down the comment section. Which is cool and super flattering, seriously: as long as they don't find my phone number and call me, it's all good.

But then this other guy friended me, who seemed to be her friend, which was cool, okay, no problem.

And then this showed up on my newsfeed.

And she had to share the Fatbooth photo. Story of my life.

But, I digress from youtube-life to reality...


So I sorted through a couple of auditions on the CAZT website, and found a casting for a BBQ sauce called Blender's.

That's right. A BBQ sauce.

So you know I had to submit myself.

Yeah, I wouldn't get paid..but I figured I could maybe get some good reel footage (which I really desperately need. fer reelz: see what I did there) and maybe some free BBQ sauce or something.

I end up getting an audition, which was kind of exciting. I mean, it was for a viral campaign, but who knows what could happen in the future if it catches on.

So I get the notice and sides, and it says they're looking for a Kansas home girl kinda look, nice, but can be a little sassy. Alright, I can do that. So I practice my 4-5 lines, and head over, Kansas-ed out with brown boots and a flowery dress.

I get there....and I'm a little confused.

On the audition door, there's a picture of what the commercial is going to look like.

And they don't use your physical self at all. They weren't even going to transpose my face onto the BBQ sauce or anything.  They were going to shoot the BBQ sauce bottle, and just put your voice with it.

What bothered me is...this wasn't really an acting job. It was a voiceover job. So probably not gonna help my acting reel.

So I go in, and I say hello...they're not the hand shaking type, so I don't go for the handshake. This is also a weird thing that happens during auditions...figuring out if the people you're auditioning for are the handshake type, or the head-nod-hello type. If you start to move towards them and their hands are planted down, just give them a smile-nod.

Anyway, so the guy in charge (whose name is 'Dream', by the way. Oh, LA.) tells me to keep it casual, and to act like these are real people. Okay, so no character-y shit, got it.

So I do it, and I could tell they weren't digging it. Granted, I kind of let my I-need-sleep feeling peek through a bit, so it could have been that...but then I get a totally different note from what they gave me in the beginning: "remember this is a BBQ sauce, so it can be character-y"

Alright. So you want it to be casual-real...and louder and character-y. Love it.

So I did it again, and it was closer to what they wanted. But kinda wish they had just been like, "Go for it, and we'll tone you down". Dammit, I could've been a great BBQ sauce...voice.

But that's kinda how auditions roll. You do it. You think, "fuck I could've done that better/differently" and you realize you really don't know what they want, because most of the time they don't really know exactly what they want. Otherwise they would've/should've told you.

I don't know if I've mentioned CAZT...but it's actually kind of cool, because they let you watch your auditions after and the director is supposed to give you comments on how you did (which they trade for the audition space at CAZT). Which. At first, I seriously refused to watch myself. I mean, honestly, auditions are you under pressure trying to do what you wanted to do, but usually not doing it exactly like you wanted.

But it's actually really helpful. Because I immediately spotted what my nervous or "relaxing" ticks were. So if you're in LA, sign up, at least for a few months to kinda fix your ticks or your weaker spots.

So the Blender's thing probably wont pan out.

And neither will the Alien Girl part.

That's right. I could've been an alien.

So I usually just submit myself to anything I think I could possibly be auditioned for, because I figure if I think I could pull something off, and someone else thinks so as well and auditions me, then I'm good to go.

I ended up submitting myself for a music video that needed a lead alien girl. I'm thinking Katy Perry in E.T. And I'm like..."Well, I think I kind of look alien-y. Sure, why not."

I give them my headshot and resume, never really looking up the band or song, but it looked fine and they were paying.

I get a CMAIL notification (yaaaay! audition!)...and it's from the alien part. Oh, hurray!

Oh. It's in Long Beach. Okay, that's kinda far...what's the band again...

Alien Secx Rehab.

Yeah. That's right. Alien Secx Rehab.

Good one, girl.

And the song was called "Physical". And after hearing the song and trying to imagine me awkwardly slow-motion crumping in a metallic bikini top and shorts and blue body paint....I had to say 'No, thank you'.

So. I guess I'm glad I could be cast as a Kansas-girl BBQ sauce (voice) and an alien in a hip-hop music video. Rock that range.

But honestly, even if you think you could even possibly pass for something, just submit yourself. Because you could be exactly what they were looking for.

Or just write shit and post a youtube video and hope some guy from Vancouver casts you.