And it sucked balls.
And a piece of my soul.
At the same time.
At this time, I'd like you to imagine what that looks like.
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Okay, that's enough. I appreciate the detail you put into that.
So I want to make sure you don't think I'm an asshole, because I care what you think and I'm sensitive as fuck. I'm extremely happy I even got a chance to audition for these pilots, and am happy I have a manager who can nab these for me. The fact that I even GOT a pilot season is kind of amazing for being in LA for a year in a half (I don't have an agent, my manager is the shit). I'm really grateful for that. But it's also my first go-around at this thing, and I didn't really know what I was supposed to expect. Now I do.
Video auditions. Lots of them.
I spent a lot of time videotapping myself.
Mostly because I couldn't audition for a lot of stuff because I don't have an agent or credits that make people trust that I can act. So before I actually went in for things in person, they had to make sure I was at least close to what they were looking for.
Basically, to sum it up, my video auditions went like this:
I would spend hours preparing the scene, working it with someone, memorizing the thing, making it as perfect as I could make it, get someone to film me, maybe making my boyfriend do it, making sure it was daytime to get the right light in the room, driving to Northridge to borrow a nice camera from a friend, doing the scene 15+ times making the person who is filming my audition hate me, uploading all of the 15 takes to my computer, going through the scenes and criticizing myself through every one, picking one I could kind of stand and that didn't suck too hard, uploading it to youtube, returning the camera back to my friend in Northridge, and finally sending it to my manager after watching it 6 times and deciding it was kind of okay.
Then I'd get an e-mail from my manager telling me they wanted someone who was Asian.
And that's pilot season, ladies and gents.
Sometimes, I actually got to audition in person though, and that usually fared a little better.
Sometimes.
Once I came into a casting, memorized, optimistic, and ready to go, and right before I went in, the casting director bitched out all the casting associates in the room for 7 minutes. Like full on scream-fest. I wish I had an ice breaker I could've thrown out, like "Phew, glad you're all alive! Sounded like I was going to find a dead body here! Or be murdered myself! Am I right? Thank you ladies and gentlemen, tip your waitress!" I didn't.
But I got SOOOOO excited about these auditions for these huge parts in these huge pilots! And then I'd find out the part went to the girl from SNL. Or the girl with 60 TV credits on her resume. Or the girl from Australia. Damn you, Australians.
But Australian or not, it became pretty obvious as I would find out who got cast for these roles that I never really had a chance at any of these parts in the first place.
The most damage I could probably do is get the casting director to like me, and remember me when they need a redheaded 20 year old.
OR they HAPPEN to have to cast a part of a 20 year old part-French girl, possibly in a period piece (I got the eyebrows for it), who needs to be a redhead, and some sort of comedic timing. Then I might have a chance.
MIGHT.
I did get some good feedback from casting directors, though, so in terms of optimism, there's that. And that's always good. Rather get that than, "Yeah, your client sucks, I can't even look at her headshot because of all the trauma she has caused me. I take Prozac now. Thanks."
But seriously... the rejection gets to you, man. I didn't think it would, but it did. It got me.
And it was especially bad when I was working on an amazing, improv-based project as a reoccurring character with amazing, talented people AND I was getting rejected daily. That totally fucked with my psyche.
Because, mixing all that shittiness with a great opportunity turned me into a "Oh shit, do I actually deserve to be here?" person.
Like. I googled "improv rules" because I thought I wouldn't know how to improv on an improv based show. What is wrong with me?! I'm never this weird. I suddenly got super shy and nervous because I was so worried about not being good enough.
But the golden moment, the ray of fucking sunshine, of pilot season for me was when 10 minutes before I was supposed to go to my audition for a Lorne Michaels pilot...
I realized I had been working on the wrong sides.
The WRONG SIDES.
I didn't have time to even shit myself, so I ran to print out the sides, memorized the crap out of it, made some choices, and drove to the audition. And at that point I didn't GIVE A FUCK. I had nothing to lose.
And it was the best audition I had done for a while.
Casting was even like, "Oh, that was really fun! Really good!".
Really FUN. What?!
So I guess if someone asks me what my best advice for pilot season would be...it's don't give a fuck.
Okay, like, work it a little bit. Don't actually print the sides out 10 minutes before you leave.
I'm good at improv when I don't give a shit and I'm just having fun making something funny.
I'm good at acting when I'm not peeing myself.
I chose this profession because it makes me happy.
Have fun, y'all.
Don't shit yourself.
